WoggSpot

2005-07-10T16:19:00.000-05:00

One crutching it

That's right. I've graduated to one crutch and I don't wear my cumbersome brace anymore. Actually, I can walk. But I find it much safer to keep one crutch around especially since my knee gets very weak after I've been sitting for a while. Once I get the opportunity to stretch and bend it, my knee is fine - a little stiff, but fine.

My task for the next few months is gaining strength in my leg. I walk with a limp not so much because of my knee, but because my leg lacks the strength to do normal heel-toe walking. I have found that I need to stretch many times a day. I'm always bending and stretching even as I'm sitting. In fact, it makes it very hard to sleep. I flip like a flounder and haven't had a really good night's sleep in quite a while. But eventually, all this will pass with time.

Changing the subject: I think my cat is either mad at me or is a little obsessive about keeping a clean apartment. Today, my cat dragged a nice shirt I had left on the floor into his catbox and did his business on it. Seriously. He's never done this before and I didn't know whether to laugh or be angry. And it couldn't have been easy for him to do this. The box is covered and has to be entered from the botom (it has an upside down scoop for an entrance). That's a lot of motivation. Perhaps he doesn't like his new brand of litter (we bought the flushable kind) and this is his way of protesting.

All I know is, the next time I misplace my keys, I know the first place I'm going to look.

2005-07-06T19:48:00.000-05:00

Taking Care of Business

I've been able to go to work the last couple of days and everything has gone smoothly. I do have to put my leg up on my desk every now and then which makes it a little challenging to type, but other than that, all systems are go.

An advantage to wearing a brace at work is that everyday is casual day. I have to wear shorts since my brace is too thick for pants to fit over. (Again, thank goodness it's Summer.)

I'm taking steps now with my crutches. I don't want to get too used to the crutches and rely on them for everything. This is the psychological part where I have to trust that I will be okay if I take a step. It can be hard to overcome. I feel like I'm going to collapse like a folding chair. If I'm going to fall, I would rather land like a marshmallow. Perhaps I should eat more.

If I don't gain the ability to walk my dog soon, I'm afraid she's going to disown me. She always asks to go out and I can only look at her and say, "Wait 'til your mommy gets home." It's not like I haven't tried. A few days ago, I made a valiant attempt at walking her.

You see, my dog likes to pull hard on the leash when she's being walked. Despite our best efforts to stop her, she continues to pull like an Iditarod sled dog. I'm sure you can see how this would be a logistical problem. I have to hold the leash in the same hand as the crutch. When she pulls, the crutch goes with her leaving me with an interesting dilemma. How to pull the dog back while balancing on one leg. I can tell you from experience - it doesn't work.

2005-07-04T14:37:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th

The day when millions of Americans satisfy the most basic of primal urges: to blow things up. And thousands of health care professionals work overtime in the nation's emergency rooms. What better way to say, "Happy birthday U.S.A." then to blow off your finger and light your neighbor's garage on fire? It's all in the spirit of good, clean, wholesome Nationalism.

Now I like fireworks as much as the next guy, but it seems that the professional pyrotechnic displays at local parks are far more impressive and entertaining then any five dollar fountain I can buy at the local fireworks stand. But I guess that's just me since I know so many people that are fascinated with things that go "BOOM!"

Kind of makes me wonder what our ancestors did to celebrate before the advent of gunpowder. I suppose everyone walked around slamming rocks together hoping for a spark to go with the sound or they clubbed themselves over the head until they saw stars.

I have been able to put more pressure on my leg lately. I usually say something like, "What's the matter with you? Why can't you be more like the left leg?" I've also been putting more weight on my leg. Actually, I can stand just fine with no pain. It's the walking part I have a little trouble with. I took a few steps yesterday without crutches, then I needed a 30 minute break. My knee got tired very quickly. I feel like I should be in a home eating soft food, playing Bingo and complaining about how my children never visit me anymore.

I finally return to work tomorrow. I hope I can make it through an entire day. I have this fear that the elevators will break down and I'll end up climbing 5 flights of stairs. By the time I got to work, it would be time for me to go home.

I'm looking forward to getting out of the house though. Wish me luck.

2005-06-30T21:58:00.000-05:00

Bathing is a lonely business

Anyone who has ever had to take a bath or shower with a cast or something similar understands how ackward and frustrating it can be. I have to place a large plastic bag over my leg that is sealed at the top by rubber and velcro essentially creating a torniquet blocking all blood flow to the injured leg causing it to be even more useless as it now has become numb. Why so tight? Because the doctor puts the fear of God into you by saying that should the sutures ever get wet, your leg will explode into a thousand micro-particles and all the king's men won't be able to put Humpty back together again.

The leg bags must have been tested on laboratory rats because anyone with half a brain can see the inherent problem with stepping into a wet bathtub with plastic on the bottom of your feet. Seeing this calamity play itself out in my head, I chose to go the route of sitting in the tub.

Fortunately, I have a rubber hose and shower head that I attach to the faucet for washing the dog. Great. All I need is a little flea shampoo and I'm all set. Oh wait, the attachment doesn't want to stay sealed on the faucet. After a few squirts with the hot glue gun and sealing with duct tape, I'm again all set.

Damn, where's the soap? Oh yeah. It's sitting in the shower caddie hanging from the shower head. That soap might as well as be located on the Moon and it's going to take the equivilent of a shuttle launch for me to reach it. Okay, how does one go from the sitting position to a standing position in the tub with a plastic ice skate attached? Think Paul. There are many people far worse off than you who do this everyday.

Tip it off the caddie with the plunger? Ewww. Us my other foot to kick it off? I should be so limber. Straddle the edge of the tub like a horse, shimmy up the shower curtain, repel across the tub and bungee jump down the caddie? It sounded good for a while.

No, it was good ol' fashioned physics defying determination as I pushed against the side of the shower. In hindsight, probably not my best choice as I have yet to understand how I pulled it off. Okay. I have the soap. Now for the hair. Where's that shampoo?

Damn.

2005-06-29T11:46:00.000-05:00

Hey, there's a knee in there!

The big blob that was my knee is starting to show some definition. The swelling has gone down considerably. Sure, there's still pain. But I believe I can manage it now with pain killers and JELL-O shots.

I'm glad I had my operation during the Summer. I can't imagine going through this during Winter. My knee would lock up everytime I went outside and children would run from me as I did my accidental impression of the walking dead. Hey, Zombies have feelings too. Either that or I would constantly look as if I had to go the bathroom. Perhaps a constipated Zombie. Hmmm, there's a movie here somewhere. (Note to self: Call Warner Brothers)

2005-06-27T13:43:00.000-05:00

Mission:Improbable

I'm still home and this bothers me greatly. I was very much hoping to return to work today, but the pain is still a bit much. I'm okay when exercising or lying on the couch, but when I try to walk all the blood flows down to my leg and I begin to say words that would make a sailor blush. I think the key is the bruising. My leg just isn't cool with the drilled holes. Imagine that.

When you're home alone and recovering from injury or surgery, it's amazing what you can come up with when you find yourself hungry or need to use the restroom. By using a few tables and chairs, I can carry soup or juice from the fridge to the couch like a fireman's water brigade. I've developed the three-legged crab walk and can scoot around the apartment rather quickly with my injured leg never touching the ground. Early after my sugery, I was using a back-scratcher to reach items on the living room table. I discovered the meaning of life using only a paper clip, an orange peel and a York peppermint pattie wrapper. Unfortunately, Lauren threw it away when she was cleaning.

Today is Lauren's first day as the new female main anchor for Channel 8 Eyewitness News. She's a bit nervous and I can't blame her. I know she'll do really well though. Lincoln is going to love her. As long as they don't love her. That would just be weird. If you live in the area, look for her Mon.-Fri on channel 8 at 5, 6 & 10 pm.

2005-06-24T18:30:00.000-05:00

Psychadelic man!

I'm at the point in my recovery where my leg is displaying more colors than a Pink Floyd Laserium show. Although I'm finding it hard to find anything in my closet that won't clash with "Buttery Mustard," I look at the bright side. It is increasing my overall palate. They say half the injury is the presentation.

Being on the couch has opened my eyes to all kinds of interesting TV. It's amazing what you can find once you get past channel 398. Did you know that ESPN has a show featuring trick bowling? Seriously. PBA bowlers compete against each other in a kind of H-O-R-S-E version of can-you-top-this. They throw balls out of towels, the throw 2 and 3 balls at the same time. Between the legs. Under chairs. One guy bowled a 45-pin strike! And the whole time I was transfixed. I couldn't take my eyes of the screen. Then I started thinking... do other athletes participate in trick versions of their sports?

The NBA does have slam-dunk contests and the Harlem Globetrotters. Baseball has the Home Run Derby during the All-Star weekend. What about other sports?

I'm tired of seeing baseballs hit with bats. I want to see it done with a spatula. Now, THAT would be something. Let's see tennis played on a floating iceberg. I'd like to see exploding footballs, egg-shaped basketballs, boxing gloves filled with Velveeta, and let's give the deer some rifles too.

Yes, I can see the psychological effects this injury has had on me. In fact, I embrace it.

2005-06-23T19:36:00.000-05:00

The scoop

My post-operative exam was this morning, and aside from some fits of unexplainable rage and uncontrollable sobbing, everything went very well. My doctor was concerned that I was being a bit too timid with my knee and surprised me with a rabid badger leaping from the supply closet. Unbeknownst to my doctor, I had earned a merit badge in boy scouts for badger taming. In no time I had the ferocious beast sleeping comfortably in my arms as I sang, "Rock-abye-badger..." Well, what would you sing?

"Foiled again!" shouted the doctor as he lept out the window into the waiting butterfly net of white-coated nurses.

After retracing my steps to find out where I made the wrong turn into the psych ward, I finally managed to see my surgeon who assured me that the yellow and purple spots that seemed to cover my entire pair of underwear were normal and most likely just a simple pattern sold in many stores. The knee? Oh yeah.

The knee is progressing just fine. I still have some swelling, but the doc tells me it's normal. I am now allowed to start putting weight on my foot. I no longer have to wear the itchy white stocking they gave me at the hospital and have graduated to the Ace bandage. I'm looking forward to the day when the swelling goes away and I'm feeling less pain. I don't mind walking on crutches, but I hate the feeling that I'm walking around with a 20 pound bowling ball attached to my knee. I get exhausted easily and take many naps due to the pain killers. Hopefully, within the next few minutes my knee will be back to 100%.

Okay, that didn't work. But hey, can't blame me for trying.

Thanks to the following people who have sent "flowers": Lenny the Squid, One-toed Mikey, Guido the bodysnatcher, Ground Chuck and Professor Plum. The slack-jawed rooster crows at dawn. I repeat, the slack-jawed rooster crows at dawn.

2005-06-22T16:56:00.000-05:00

Lauren going beyond the call of duty

I really do appreciate all that Lauren is doing for me. She's doing a great job of balancing her job, taking care of me, taking care of the animals, doing the household chores, etc. and never complaining. I think I'll keep her around a while longer.

I really should do something very nice for her when I'm well into my rehab and feeling better. What do you suggest? Feel free to comment. I look forward to reading your ideas. I have a 2-for-1 coupon to Skippy's Yarn & Jello Emporium, but perhaps I should save that for a really special occasion.

My dog jumped on my leg today while I was on the couch. I'm going to miss her.

By the way, thank you again to everyone who has sent me emails wishing me well. It really means a lot to me. Plus, someone told me that everytime I get an email, Bill Gates will send me 5 dollars. Wow, he's very generous. And you know, if you read it online, it must be true.

Also, thanks to all the Keebler elves who have kept me on a constant sugar high since my recovery started. They may not be the brightest magical creatures, but they sure can bake! (not like the Smurfs, they're just useless)

Tomorrow, I have my first post-operative exam with the surgeon. When I get the low-down on my knee's progress, I'll give you, the curious and vigilant reader, the scoop. Until then...

2005-06-21T19:01:00.000-05:00

They have to amputate my leg...

...is what I would have said if everything was going horribly wrong. But fortunately, everything is progressing on schedule. Or at least I assume it is. It's not like I do this every day.

I think I can bend my leg to 100 degrees now. Unfortunately, it's in the opposite direction. Does that mean something's wrong?

This contraption I have on my leg makes me feel robotic. I suppose it's a necessary evil though. Keeps me from randomly break dancing. Although I can no longer moon walk, my robot is fantastic. I may not be able to run, but I can enter any 70's dance contest with a decent chance of winning.

There are screws in my leg. I just had to stop and ponder that for a minute. Screws. I have this vision of my surgeon running out in the middle of my operation to get bone screws from Home Depot. It's a funny visual if you think of the doctor rushing in with his gown and mask trying to get help from the 17 year old who's been working there for 2 weeks. Then the doctor's card is declined because his high-maintenance wife maxed out the credit shopping online. He then rushes into the operating room at the last second only to be told they used dry wall screws the nurse found on the closet floor.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. They're called Percocet, and no, the bottle says no refills.

2005-06-19T11:32:00.000-05:00

Everything going well

Admittedly, I woke up this morning in a good amount of pain, but after a couple pain killers, I was soon in happyland. A good lesson learned on how long I can go without medicine.

I can bend my leg up to 90 degrees now, but it does take some effort.

I feel so sorry for Lauren. It's not easy to take care of everything on your own. I wouldn't blame her if, in a few days, she completely snaps after I call her name for the umpteenth time. I hate feeling this needy and helpless, but it does motivate me to do my exercises.

My dog Molly is very afraid of my crutches. She doesn't know what to make of them. Because my crutches need to be near me at all times, my dog is nowhere to be seen. I know she's here because I hear her bark from the next room.

My cat is into everything. Lots of toys to play with that I brought home from the hospital. It's becoming a lost cause trying to keep him away. He knocks things off the table, and once they hit the floor, they enter a sort of no man's land. Do you think I'm gonna bend over and pick them up? If he knocks my pills off the table, I'm afraid I'll have to strangle the animal.

Okay, back to the couch.

2005-06-18T14:55:00.000-05:00

Lauren gets story in Lincoln Journal-Star

There is a story about Lauren's promotion to main anchor in today's Journal-Star. Rest assured, we've purchased a few copies for scrapbooking. If you would like to see the story, you can find it here. I'm so proud!

2005-06-18T14:38:00.000-05:00

I'm back home and doing well.

The surgery went as well as could be expected and I've already started rehab. The people at St. Elizabeth Hospital couldn't have been friendlier or more helpful. I did find it funny though that I had to constantly repeat that it was my RIGHT KNEE they would be operating on. I even had to annouce that to the operating room before they put me under. It was so tempting to give a different answer every time. "Knee? What are talking about? I came here for a hangnail."

I'm so glad to get this out of the way and start the healing process. Do you want to know what the worst part of surgery was? The pain? Nope. Dry mouth! It took me over an hour to eat a little cheeseburger from the cafeteria because every little bite and to be chased down with water. I should have had them put the whole meal in a blender.

Well, I better make this short so I can put my leg up. Just know that I am fine and on the road to recovery. (Wasn't that a Bob Hope, Bing Crosby film?)

2005-06-17T07:57:00.000-05:00

On my way to the hospital

It turns out that Wal-Mart doesn't do discount knee surguries. Who knew? So I'll have to have it done in a hospital after all. I'm going to ask the surgeon for a bionic knee. I've always wanted to genuflect and grovel at an incredible speed.

Thanks to everyone who has sent their good wishes. And thanks to whoever it was that sent me the books 101 Other Uses for a Knee Brace, Knee Surgery for Dummies, and So You Want to be a Surgeon: At Home Knee Repair.

I'll blog as soon as I can after the surgery to let you know how it all went. While I'm there, I'm thinking of also having my forehead enlarged. The caveman look is all the rage this Summer.

2005-06-16T18:03:00.000-05:00

Lauren is the new anchor for Channel 8 News!

And that means we'll be in Lincoln for the next 5 years. I'm so happy for her. She has worked so hard and deserves everything she gets. Here's the text from the press release:

Channel 8 Eyewitness News Reporter Lauren Silverman has been promoted to KLKN’S primary news anchor position.

Silverman will anchor Channel 8 Eyewitness News at Five, Six and Ten with Rod Fowler. Fowler has been with KLKN since March of 1996.

Silverman joined Channel 8 Eyewitness News in March of 2004 and she also served as substitute anchor and producer during her time at KLKN Television.

“Lauren is a compassionate, caring journalist committed to quality reporting,” according to Fowler. “I am excited to work with Lauren because everyone who meets her always has a positive impression of her,” Fowler said.

Silverman also anchored and reported for a weekly news program in Monrovia, California before moving to Lincoln.

She graduated summa cum laude with a mass communications degree from UCLA.

KLKN General Manager Roger Moody said Silverman matched all the criteria we were looking for in a primary anchor. “Lauren has a strong, credible delivery, she has a passion for news, she’s respected amongst her peers and she’s willing to make a long-term commitment to KLKN Television,” Moody said.

Cool, eh? She's going to make a great anchor. Congrats Lauren!!!

2005-06-16T17:46:00.000-05:00

And so it begins...

17 hours and counting. I've been waiting a long time, but thanks to the generosity of my mom and dad, I'll be able to finally have my ACL reconstruction surgery Friday morning. I originally injured by knee in mid-January.

During rehearsals for Noises Off, a fast-paced comedy in 3 acts, I fell to the ground while rehearsing a rather physical scene. I heard a "pop" in my right knee and that was it. I was forced to pull out of the show and the director, Jeremy Kendall, took over the role I vacated. Jeremy didn't miss a beat and was very funny, as was the rest of the cast, and the show was very successful.

Even though I heard that "pop," I was still surprised when my MRI scan showed a torn ACL. Unfortunately, an MRI cannot be repaired. It can only be reconstructed from a graph of tendons. These graphs are usually taken from the patella or the hamstring. In rare cases, a graph is used from a cadaver.

My graph will be from my hamstring. This will only cause a 10% loss in strength in that tendon which is negligible for most people. This graph will then be attached to screws. You can find a better explanation of the surgery for those who aren't too squeamish here.

After surgery, I will be required to spend the night in the hospital. I can't wait to get me some of that yummy hospital food! I can go home Saturday morning.

Rehabilitation will start almost immediately. After I'm knocked out for surgery, I will begin exercising in my sleep. I often move my hands and feet while I'm sleeping just like a dog does. This will make it rather challenging for the surgeon, but I feel this is necessary to get myself into the right frame of mind after I wake up. After my 9th knee jerk, I suspect the surgeon will just leave the instruments in my knee and run away screaming. This will make it difficult for me to go through security at the airport.

To get a better idea of the surgery, I decided last week to operate on my cat's knee. But first, I had to give my cat a good cleaning in the bathtub. After I was released from the emergency room, I decided that perhaps operating on my cat wasn't such a good idea.

I'm a little nervous about the surgery, but it won't matter. I'll be drunk. The doctor said no food or water 12 hours before the procedure, but I don't consider whisky part of that. Plus it's only fair. I suspect my surgeon will be drunk too. I did mention that I'm having my surgery at Wal-Mart, didn't I? Right next to the garden supplies across from the photo lab.

Well, wish me luck. I'll be loggin on to let you know how everything went after I sober up.

Paul