They have to amputate my leg...

...is what I would have said if everything was going horribly wrong. But fortunately, everything is progressing on schedule. Or at least I assume it is. It's not like I do this every day.

I think I can bend my leg to 100 degrees now. Unfortunately, it's in the opposite direction. Does that mean something's wrong?

This contraption I have on my leg makes me feel robotic. I suppose it's a necessary evil though. Keeps me from randomly break dancing. Although I can no longer moon walk, my robot is fantastic. I may not be able to run, but I can enter any 70's dance contest with a decent chance of winning.

There are screws in my leg. I just had to stop and ponder that for a minute. Screws. I have this vision of my surgeon running out in the middle of my operation to get bone screws from Home Depot. It's a funny visual if you think of the doctor rushing in with his gown and mask trying to get help from the 17 year old who's been working there for 2 weeks. Then the doctor's card is declined because his high-maintenance wife maxed out the credit shopping online. He then rushes into the operating room at the last second only to be told they used dry wall screws the nurse found on the closet floor.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. They're called Percocet, and no, the bottle says no refills.